Log in

No account? Create an account

Greetings from the Comatorium

Debut Album

Voltjan Stevens
External Services:
  • voltjanstevens@livejournal.com

Not much to see here. Just your run of the mill half-man/half-machine indie hipster supergenius superhero ninja rockstar velociraptor with a heart of gold, dual laser cannons, rocket boosters, and 16" spinnaz. In short, I'm as cool as a longcat is long, and you can take that to the bank, cash it in, put it in your pipe, and smoke it. I'm what you'd get if you put Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Samuel L. Jackson, and Christopher Walken in a blender, strained out the Intarweb, added pineapple chunks and a few cherries, and set on smoothie. 100% pure kickassohol in a frosty mug. Men want to be me, women want me, and vice versa. But like Highlander, there can only be one. And like your mom's fine china, I am look but no touch. But you better wear sunglasses. Because I can blind you. Or worse. I'm the nuclear Ark of the Covenant. And don't you forget it.

Who is this masked man, you might ask? Mike, 23, is a journalism graduate with a minor in politics. Former writer for a sketch comedy show, president of a sci-fi/fantasy club, and president of a stand-up comedy club. Don't part me from my various Nintendos, my musics, or my chocolate milk, and we should be okay. I live in a rinky-dink Pennsylvania suburban apartment with my mom and two cats. I hope to be a TV news producer.
?!, achewood, ak-47-holding marxist girls, batman, beavis and butt-head, camel mokimotos, capcom, cats, caturday, caught in the rain, chipmunks stole my muffin, craisins, daily dinosaur comics, dane cook, dave barry, dave chapelle, demetri martin, diesel sweeties, donkey kong, douglas adams, earthbound, emerson hall, emperor x, famous communists, fez hats, fighting alligators, filet mignon, final fantasy vi, firefly, frank zappa, freakazoid, gamecube, genghis khan, george carlin, godzilla & gamera lovestories, gorillaz, greggory peaches! (greggory peaches!), hate song, homestar runner, homsar, ich bin ein calzone!, intarbutts, interrobang, ithaca college, journalism, kirby, kittens, kittybutts.org, lemon demon, lewis black, longcat, lord of the rings, make a beak, malcolm in the middle, mallo cups, mario kart, marvel 1602, mel brooks, metroid, microwaving marshmallows, monkeys, need for speed, nes, nintendo, nintendo ds, nothing nice, obscure facts, oh snap, oh. a-my. a-god., overcompensating, pac-man, peanut butter ice cream, pengoos, penncrest high school, penny arcade, perry bible fellowship, pete and pete, pimp hats, politically independent, pulp fiction, punks and nerds, pvp, quentin tarantino, red meat, rubber duckies, sarcasm, satire, sin city, smash bros., snes, social commentary, something awful, something positive, soul calibur, space kittens! ♥, squirrels, starbursts, stuff sucks, sufjan stevens, superman is a dick, the commons, the mars volta, the simpsons, the ultimate showdown, tv land, vg cats, video games, viewtiful joe, webcest, webcomics, wheelchair hockey, white ninja, wigu, wii, y100, yoshi, you damn kid